I feel so sick. Sick to my stomach. So many feelings revolving around and they’re all terrible. I never really understood until now and I’m just beginning to but it’s so fucking hard. Why do I feel so guilty. Why am I taking responsibility for this. Why after I ask myself why why why do I I still feel the same way. I know better. I should’ve known better. Why am I being compassionate to people who hurt me. Because I FEEL GUILTY. I can’t sleep. What I would give to escape this nightmare with a nightmare during my sleep. Or be so blessed to get a dream. To completely forget about it and live somewhere else with no knowledge of this. For hours on end. Through the morning. God and I’m still so sorry WHAT THE FUCK. I need to leave this in the past where it lies now. But there’s no fucking way. The past is just as much here in the present every single day. Fuck fuck fuck.